This is a public notice that the Bard’s 450th birthday is today. I repeat: William Shakespeare’s 450th birthday is TODAY.
Whoever hath her wish, thou hast thy Will,
And Will to boot, and Will in overplus;
More than enough am I that vex thee still,
To thy sweet will making addition thus.
Wilt thou, whose will is large and spacious,
Not once vouchsafe to hide my will in thine?
Shall will in others seem right gracious,
And in my will no fair acceptance shine?
The sea all water, yet receives rain still
And in abundance addeth to his store;
So thou, being rich in Will, add to thy Will
One will of mine, to make thy large Will more.
Let no unkind no fair beseechers kill;
Think all but one, and me in that one Will.
— Sonnet 135, William Shakespeare
Please note that as well as being the short form of his name, the word “will” (in typical Elizabethan style) was a slang term for both penis and vagina. If you listen carefully, you can hear Shakey sniggering to himself across the centuries.
Happy birthday, you smug douchebag.
happy 450th birthday to our overlord
on this, most auspicious of shakespeare days let me tell you all that it doesn’t matter how you came to be a bard fan! it doesn’t matter if you grew up hearing the original text as bedtime stories or bought a ticket for romeo + juliet because you’re a dicaprio fan. it doesn’t matter if you read the original folio editions or listen to the plays on tape because you find the language hard to process. it doesn’t matter if you’ve never read or seen a shakespeare play and only know the stories from adaptations like west side story and kiss me kate! shakespeare is for everybody, and it’s easy for academics to forget that the plays weren’t written for us: they were written for public consumption, in any way the public may wish to consume.
HAPPY 450th BIRTHDAY/DEATH DAY, WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE!
It’s Shakespeare’s 450th birthday! Let’s celebrate! (Full post here - http://goodticklebrain.com/home/2014/4/23/happy-450th-birthday-shakespeare)
O, that this too too solid flesh would melt
Thaw and resolve itself into a dew!
Or that the Everlasting had not fix’d
His canon ‘gainst self-slaughter! O God! God!
How weary, stale, flat and unprofitable,
Seem to me all the uses of this world!
Fie on’t! ah fie! ‘tis an unweeded garden,
That grows to seed; things rank and gross in nature
Possess it merely. That it should come to this!
But two months dead: nay, not so much, not two:
So excellent a king; that was, to this,
Hyperion to a satyr; so loving to my mother
That he might not beteem the winds of heaven
Visit her face too roughly. Heaven and earth!
Must I remember? why, she would hang on him,
As if increase of appetite had grown
By what it fed on: and yet, within a month—
Let me not think on’t—Frailty, thy name is woman!—
A little month, or ere those shoes were old
With which she follow’d my poor father’s body,
Like Niobe, all tears:—why she, even she—
O, God! a beast, that wants discourse of reason,
Would have mourn’d longer—married with my uncle,
My father’s brother, but no more like my father
Than I to Hercules: within a month:
Ere yet the salt of most unrighteous tears
Had left the flushing in her galled eyes,
She married. O, most wicked speed, to post
With such dexterity to incestuous sheets!
It is not nor it cannot come to good:
But break, my heart; for I must hold my tongue.
i figured i’d give the shakespeare monologue meme a try since that’s what everyone seems to be doing today, so here’s me attempting to recite ‘o that this too too solid flesh would melt’ from hamlet act 1 scene 2!
HEY HEY HEY HEYYYYYYYY MY FAVORITE QUEER DRUNK ASSHOLE POET TURNED 450 TODAY (and let me tell you, there is a lot of competition for the title “favorite queer drunk asshole poet”)
BUT as we all know, there is some controversy over who ACTUALLY wrote shakespeare’s plays!
so in order to mark this SERIOUS and LEGITIMATE issue, i have compiled the most likely theories in this comprehensive list:
- in julius caesar, cassius says, “this is my birthday; on this very day cassius was born.” on that same day, cassius DIES. guess who else was not only born on april 23, but died april 23?? that’s right, shakespeare. english playwright? or ancient roman ghost bent on revenge? YOU BE THE JUDGE.
- shakespeare married a woman called anne hathaway. BATMAN ALSO MARRIED ANNE HATHAWAY. have you ever seen shakespeare and batman in the same place at the same time??????
- lived in london? totally encountered prostitutes several times? probably spoke english? william shakespeare……. or JACK THE RIPPER
- uh, excuse me, an uneducated glovemaker’s son couldn’t possibly have written the 38 works of art attributed to shakespeare. please consider instead this picture of a cat pushing another cat in a shopping cart. you’re welcome.
- ””“”“”“”“”“president obama????”“”“”“”“” more like PRESIDENT WILLIAMSHAKESPOBAMA. wake UP, america
- ME I’M WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE I HAVE BEEN SHAKESPEARE ALL ALONG AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YOU FOOLS YOU IGNORANT FOOLS